Confessions of (a) Recovering Addict(s)

just got out inpatient (again)

sorry for all the hassle, gang

I hate purging

███ ██ trust █ ██████ your ████ █ ██ ███ ████ ██████ ████ ███government███ ████ ██████ █████ ██████ ████ ██████████ █everything█████████ ███ ████ ███ ██████████ ████████ ██ is ██████████ ██████████ ███████ ███ █████ fine. [Parts of this comment have been found in violation of H.R. 3261, S.O.P.A and Senate Bill 968, P.I.P.A. and has been censored for your protection.]

So my social worker while i was at inpatient told me i wasn’t skinny enough to be qualified as anorexic and that i wouldnt be able to go to the ED unit as inpatient.

Bitch, I’ll show you.

Back Home.

Going back to In-patient tonight

Then maybe residential. I love you all, pray for me.

oh my god. there’s so many blisters all over my arm. I cant seem to stop myself. Medication, start working and knock me out please.

Fuck.

I just binged. and took a shit load of laxatives. fuckkkkkkkk

January 4: The Love of the Fellowship

“Today, secure in the love of the fellowship, we can finally look another human being in the eye and be grateful for who we are.”

Basic Text, p. 92

When we were using, few of us could tolerate looking someone in the eye-we were ashamed of who we were. Our minds were not occupied with anything decent or healthy, and we knew it. Our time, money, and energy weren’t spent building loving relationships, sharing with others, or seeking to better our communities. We were trapped in a spiral of obsession and compulsion that went only in one direction: downward. 

In recovery, our journey down that spiral path has been cut short. But what is it that has turned us around, drawing us back upward into the open spaces of the wide, free world? The love of the fellowship has done this. 

In the company of other addicts, we knew we would not be rejected. By the example of other addicts, we were shown how to begin taking a positive part in the life around us. When we were unsure which way to turn, when we stumbled, when we had to correct a wrong we’d done, we knew our fellow members were there to encourage us. 

Slowly, we’ve gotten the feel of our freedom. No longer are we locked up in our disease; we are free to build and grow and share along with everyone else. And when we need support to take our next step, it is there. The security we’ve found in the love of the fellowship has made our new lives possible.

Just for Today: I can look anyone in the eye without shame. I am grateful for the loving support that has made this possible.

January 2: Take a deep breath and talk to God

“Sometimes when we pray, a remarkable thing happens: We find the means, ways, and energies to perform tasks far beyond our capacities.”

Basic Text, p. 46

Coping successfully with life’s minor annoyances and frustrations is sometimes the most difficult skill we have to learn in recovery. We are faced with small inconveniences daily. From untangling the knots in our children’s shoelaces to standing in line at the market, our days are filled with minor difficulties that we must somehow deal with.

If we’re not careful, we may find ourselves dealing with these difficulties by bullying our way through each problem or grinding our teeth while giving ourselves a stern lecture about how we should handle them. These are extreme examples of poor coping skills, but even if we’re not this bad there’s probably room for improvement.

Each time life presents us with another little setback to our daily plans, we can simply take a deep breath and talk to the God of our understanding. Knowing that we can draw patience, tolerance, or whatever we need from that Power, we find ourselves coping better and smiling more often.

Just for Today: I will take a deep breath and talk to my God whenever I feel frustrated.